Ask Amy: Why do I still feel broken?

Jun 1

Dear Amy,

First of all, thank you for opening this space to ask you questions. Your advice is truly invaluable.

On paper, my life is really wonderful. I have steady work that I mostly enjoy and find fulfilling. It provides enough income to support my life and lifestyle. I have a funny, loving partner who gets on my nerves sometimes but we're devoted and we always figure things out. My friends are AMAZING (I mean, just look at you).

There is genuinely so much to be grateful for and yet there are times where I feel so empty, broken, and depressed. It feels like more than I want to burden my friends, family, and loved ones with although I do share with my partner and close friends occasionally. I've done and continue doing the work.

My question is this: Why?
And also, what do?
Am I a fraud for feeling like a hopeless, broken loser while I continue living the life I've only dreamed of? How can I feel less broken?

I love you,
Rainfall Sunshine

Dear Rainfall Sunshine,

One of my least favorite songs in the world has a line that says "I'm broken and it’s beautiful". I inherently do not see any of us as broken. We are conditioned, we are suffering, we are scared, but we aren't broken. I know this because I've witnessed amazing feats by humans that have every reason to consider themselves broken. Broken things can't do the thing they were built for. If you have a life you have always dreamed of then by nature you are still working properly. You dreamed and then you went to work to make it reality. The question I have is, are you challenging yourself enough? Dreams don't just stop because you achieved one of them. You must keep dreaming and creating. What makes you sparkle? What have you been putting off because the life you have created is supposed to be good enough? You are allowed to dream more, to grow, to achieve, to try new things that you never thought of before. Life has more to offer than we often think. Dare to dream. Dare to be scared. Depression can't win against inspiration. In the cracks that you have deemed broken, let the light of inspiration start to pour in. Break all the way open to new possibilities. Try on a new dream. Fill up your life with a new adventure.

For you, I pulled the tower card. What needs to be purified? Old limited beliefs? The body? There is something more that wants to come through you. What do you need to burn away so the next right thing can come through?

I suggest a ritual featuring none other than Rain and Sunshine. Perhaps play in the rain and let it wash away this old story, then allow your body to be dried by the sun and be reborn whole. You get complete control of how you do any ritual.

I wish you all the best. Be brave!

XO,
Amy

P.S. As always, I speak from experience not expertise. If you need more than perspective please reach out to a professional.